Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
