is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
