Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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