Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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