hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
