PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
