I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
