I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we're making bets on your personal life
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
