You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
