You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The ass gains better be worth it
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