GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
