And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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