First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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