Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
