How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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