you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
