Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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