After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
