I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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