Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
