Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The adults are the big ones right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
