She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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