No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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