1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
