Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
