In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
