I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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