I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
