I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
