So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
