Where did you get a picture of my penis
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
