Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
