I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
a search helicopter?!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
