it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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