It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
