I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
