he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
