Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
