Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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