can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I CAN MOONWALK!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Randomize
