did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
