Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
