my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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