There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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