and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
