yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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