I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
