I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
