i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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