There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
