shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
