He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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