put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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