Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
