I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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