I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He had one of those small greek statue penises
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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