Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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