Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
