Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
