I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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