If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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