just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
