I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Two words: nipple clamps
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