I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
