We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
