just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
