He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
