I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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