some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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