Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
