i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
