Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Everyone says I win the strip club
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
