I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
