Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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