i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
