I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
