I'm really into asian looking animals
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
