need another drink. this is the easiest way
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
